I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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