Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
