it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
