everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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