he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
