By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
