There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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