She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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