In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
