to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
