dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
