Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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