if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
