His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
