Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
