Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
