He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
