You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
