Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
