There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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