why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
