If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
