Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize