absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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