Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
