So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
