Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
