Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
