i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize