Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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