is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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