You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
