Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
