NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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