how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize