I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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