Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
