does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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