this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
