have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
