girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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