Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
