AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize