There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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