Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just high enough for therapy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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