I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
