so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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