turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
