It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize