Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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