did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
