I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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