Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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