That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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