it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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