OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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