I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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