he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
