Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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