This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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