so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Two words: nipple clamps
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