Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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