Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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