do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize