You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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