im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry my hands just texted you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
