margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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